The eye of the storm

It’s stormy again. Very stormy. They advise everyone to stay at home unless it’s absolutely necessary to be on the road. So we are driving to the shore to see the storm, just like a few years ago. There’s something magical in experiencing the elements in these extreme conditions.

The storm seems louder at home, where the wind moans and roars among houses and trees. At sea, it’s mainly the clean, single roar of the wind and the waves. We are not totally alone on the the road or at the beach. A few other brave souls are out as well, maybe because of the same longing to feel the elements. And oh boy, do we feel them! When we get closer, drops of rain hit the windshield. It’s not a lot of rain, it barely even registers on my radar.

After a little more than an hour’s drive, we arrive. We put on our jackets, scarves, caps and feel excited to get out. Everyone is full of energy. My husband races to the top of the dike with the boys, where the full force of the wind hits us.

The beach is nearly empty and it beckons us to go and explore. So we walk on, the wind in our back, carrying little drops of rain nearly horizontally. A rush of energy goes through me and somewhere, in the roar of the wind, I hear a faint thought. “We will have wind in our face on the way back.” But the pull, or rather the push, of the wind is strong. It’s blowing in our backs, ushering us towards the sea. It feels refreshing, invigorating, my steps are light, like the roaring wind is carrying me on it’s shoulders.

I quietly notice that the back of my husband and the boys is getting wet quickly and soon enough I feel the cool sensation spreading on my calves, buttocks and neck. Regardless, we walk on.

Standing at the edge of the water, it seems like we are the only people in the world. We look out into the seemingly endless gray spreading above sea, while the waves are crushing at our feet. I can feel all of the back of my body getting wet, but I couldn’t be bothered. The force of the wind is in my back, like it literally has my back and I crave the experience to be here, in the midst of it all. I feel like I’m the eye of the storm, peaceful and serene in the middle of this glorious storm, this magnificent chaos.

When we finally decide to head back to the car, we all brace ourselves for walking into the wind. Now it’s blowing straight in our faces, so we walk with our heads down, leaning into it. It’s harder to walk. The nearly horizontal rain soaks now the front of our body within seconds, but still, I feel like I’m the eye of the storm. I know what to do.

The wind is just like and obstacle in the way of getting to my next destination. I encounter there obstacles daily in my projects and everyday life. They are inevitable and most of the time out of my control. Just like the storm, they have their own “mind”. They do their own thing, regardless of me thinking of them as bothersome or not.

When the wind blows into my face with a force that took my breath away for a second, I know right away that I have a choice here and now. I’ve been practicing this in the face of any kind of uncontrollable adversity. I could accept it’s existence, that this is what I’m dealing with right now, or let myself fall into self-pity, anger, frustration, depression, you name it. I chose the latter way too many times in the past. But my awareness practices gave me the ability not just to see the first choice, but to actively choose it as well. On this beautiful, stormy beach, I accept the wind in my face.

That’s when the magic happens. I still need to face the storm and walk all the way back to the car. This acceptance also doesn’t make my car appear next to me suddenly, nor does it mean that I can just sit down right where I am, defeated and waiting for the storm to blow by. It would be a long wait…

No. Instead, I walk on with a sense of enthousiasm and playfullness, that I’ve been feeling from the first moment I interacted with the storm. It takes me effort to walk the entire beach. The wet sand makes my feet slip, I feel the rain flowing in tiny rivers down my right sleeve, as I’m holding my hoodie up in front of my eyes, shielding them as much as I can.

Still, the walk doesn’t feel like a punishment and my mind is not bothering me with negative thoughts. I use my energy efficiently, just for the task of walking. It makes me feel like I could walk for days, if I needed to.

Making this one little decision on the face of the elements, makes the whole difference on my journey. When I stop struggling against them – even in my mind- , the elements seems to take care of me. And I am becoming the eye of the storm.